An open letter to Zam Andrew Jefri

Hi Zam (or whatever name that you want it to be). Oh sorry!. Can I call you Zam? Or you prefer me to address you as Tengku since you’re Putera Jefri Al Bolkiah’s son? Uh..I’ll stick to Zam lah. By the way, how are you dude? I hope you are recovering from your “open-heart surgery” few days ago and continue to live and read my letter.

Dear Zam.

I envy you. Gosh, you have such a wonderful and exciting life! Never have I heard or known any person in this world as lucky, talented and as wealthy as you! Let me remind you of what a great life you’re having!

1. Damn you got the looks that melt every chicks within 30-meter radius!

2. You have royalty blood dude!! Brunei lagi!! And don’t forget your grandma is a Kedahan Royalty as well!..Yellow Blood dude..untouchable..

3. Do you know that you’re a brainy too?? Mechanical engineering lecturer at a university in Washington, USA! WTH? You must be one of the few brainiest anak orang Melayu! a Datukship should be coming your way in a few days! Or maybe a street shall be named after you..

4. You’re a talented, brilliant songwriter with a voice that could smash Conan the Barbarian down to tears doug! A mech. Engineering lecturer with a released singles..damn!!


Oh! Zam the great.

Beyond all your greatness, I do have some questions that I need to understand especially on your methods in living your love life. Some of your actions confused me.. but maybe I’m just a normal guy unlike you, a bright and sensitive guy with full of flairs. Here are the questions: Before that, first I would like to apologize because I have no experience in having a relationship through the internet. Please help me understand ya..

1. Why are you avoiding phone calls? Why text messaging, emails or YMs only?

2. Why are you avoiding webcams chatting? If I were your 6 months steady girlfriend, I would love to have webcam chats with you.

3. Since both of you have known each other for ages and now in a serious relationship, during your last trip back to Malaysia, why didn’t you take some initiative to go and meet your girlfriend? Or maybe give her a call? I’m sure the usage of your MAXIS number is much cheaper here compared to in the States.

4. Logical thinking, takkan couple tak berjumpa kot?

5. Why oh just why are you so mad about you girlfriend having lunch with her colleagues? And a couple of times you even threw a tantrum for going out with female colleagues. Why?

6. Why is that every time you guys bergaduh, mesti you sakit jantung?


Oh Zam.

I don’t know what you are trying to pull here. Do you know that you’re messing and ruining ones heart and feelings over here? Do you know that she cries at night, constantly in need to be comforted by family and friends because of your open-heart surgery fantasy? By the way, there are no such thing as “minor “ heart surgery, relatives tak boleh suka-suka nak terjah masuk hospital and perform surgery untuk sanak-saudara dia walaupun nenek sedara dia tu top surgeon and lastly, 3 hours je? Come on man? You can do better than that! Do some research please..Plus I don’t know that in ICU, they allow patients to log in their Friendster account?

Now, you’ve made her belief that you’re in a critical situation, and your “mom” is updating her by sms on your “condition”. I can guess that your fantasy is coming to an end. I know you’ve failed to get rid of her with your pregnant ex-girlfriend stories. Takut ke? But what worries me is that you blamed her for your “sakit jantung”. Why la dude? Kalau kau nak “mati” pun, “mati” sorang-sorang la!..why must you drag her into your hell hole sekali?

Dude, if all of your “bull-shits” are TRUE, be a man and proof it. Stop all the tall tales, show yourself and speak up like as if you have balls.

Ingat Tuhan please.